Saturday, January 7, 2006

R U a satinist

This was in a flier I found talking abou how you can tell if your child is a satinist or not...I guess I'm going to hell...

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts. (So I guess anyone who likes good music is a Satan worshiper...)

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nail polish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols. (Yes, because the Egyptian symbol for eternal life is Satanic even though Satan didn't exist back then...)

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports. (Yes, because sports are really wholesome... *rolls eyes*)

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol. (So 90% of the Christians I know really worship Satan...)

-Is suicidal and/or depressed. (Because Christian's lives are all gravy...)

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.( I actually kinda like their reasoning behind this. It's...interesting?)

-Complains of boredom. (Holy shit! I'm bored! I must worship Satan to keep my mind occupied! *rolls eyes*)

-Sleeps too excessively or too little. (All insomniacs now worship Satan...)

-Is excessively awake during the night. (What if I work a night job?)

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy. (So every teenager in the world worships Satan now...(

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. This is so that your child may speak to evil spirits through meditation.

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult. (OMG...just, nothing to say to this...)

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this. (What if the authority figures are idiots?)

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats excessively or too little.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this. (Okay, that's it. Let's shoot whoever wrote this and see if they go to hell.)

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.( Wow. In that case, you just shouldn't have cable.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer. (Will someone please tell me what this has to do with Satan????)

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner. (Yup, you guessed it, strippers are of Satan, too.)

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Is homosexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism. (Wow. When did Buddhism and Hindusim become dangerous cults? Last I checked, they were around way before Christianity...)

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth. (I've actually known Christian goths...I was in Bible study with them.)

In their attempt to rid the world of "gothic" people, here is St. Mary's wonderful definition of gothic.

"Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence."

Here is St. Mary's remedy for curing the "goth disease."

"Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations"

I guess we are all doomed!


zibibbo said...

HOLY CRAP!! Everybody I know is a satanist per the list!

Elizabeth said...

Yep, they got me pegged. Only I haven't been a teen ager for a lot of years. Oh, and stopped drinking and using drugs, but only because it was killing me.

hmm. my verification word is

Sounds like it might have a Satanic meaning...

Cheryl said...

honey, why are you reading this crap?

CynCyn said...

hmm. at least the list is all inclusive :) at least, I can't think of anyone they left out. I couldn't even make it through the entire list b/c my eyes had rolled so far into the back of my head.

Stariel said...

I can't believe they forgot so many parts of being a Satanist (like, reading the Satanic bible, for example...) But that would just burst their little bubble, since it's not about satan.

I'm about a satanist-and-a-half by that list!

Uh oh! tgvrymk! That's totally a satanic word.

DomesticOverlord said...

Bwahahahahahahahaha! I can't breathe! I'm laughing to hard. Wait, was that on the list? It's got to be right? Laughing is a sign I'm being possesed by an evil spirit because some comedians drink and swear and that's of Satan.

Oh well, back to my Count Dracula Cereal.

Grace said...

LOL! One of the ways to tell if your child is a Satanist is "pursues dangerous cult religions such as Satanism"? Ya think? That's like the only one on the list that should make a parent concerned that their kid is a Satanist!!

janopera said...

Wow,my teenagers have all been satanists then.Marilyn Manson eat your heart out! I actually really like him.(Is that sad?).My son went through the whole black makeup and angst thing. I was the equivalent of a goth in the 70s and I am O.K. Ummmm!Take folk as you find them.

Anonymous said...

I can't even begin to describe how disgusting this is. Not only did they descibe 100 % of all people ages 12-19 but also 100% of the catholics who abide to it and have probably sent their poor poor child to a "mental health facility" because of some of these things. For example "expresses an interest in sex" ?!?!?! You've got to be fucking kidding me. IT's fucking human. I hate killing, guns, and war. However, I believe the only person I would ever gun down and be quiet happy about it would be the original author of this garbage.