Friday, January 13, 2006

the gay agenda


8:00 – Wake up. Hug tree.

8:10 – Quick breakfast of Wheaties w/ banana and unborn fetuses, stem cells spread on toast.

8:20 – Get dressed in hemp suit.

8:30 – Miscellaneous worship of false idols.

8:45 - Drive to methadone clicnic in hybrid car; 30% electric, 70% Bible furnace.

8:50 – Receive methadone. Sell for pot.

9:00 – Catch up on a little reading: Torah, Koran, Book of Mormon, other books not The Bible.

10:00 – Stop on way to welfare office to drown puppies.

10:20 – Pickup welfare check.

10:30 – Cash check.

10:35 – Buy more pot.

11:30 – Miscellaneous Sodomy.

12:00 – Light lunch of sushi and stem cell pie, plus cappuccino, at upscale coffee shop.

12:30 – Stop at nearest cemetery to bleach flags on veterans' graves.

1:30 – Miscellaneous coveting.

3:00 – Steal babies, throw them from bridge.

3:30 – Bomb a church.

4:00 – Meeting with Jews for instructions on what news stories to run today.

5:00 – Formal dinner/fundraiser of virgin Christian sacrifice. Guest speakers Michael Moore, Al Franken, Satan, and Bizarro Ann Coulter.

6:30 – Smoke cigars lit by a burning pictures of Jesus

6:45 – Infiltrate the school system to attract impressionable young student to the homosexual lifestyle.

7:00 – Miscellaneous taking the Lord's name in vain.

7:10 – Smoke pot.

7:15 – Giggle for about twenty minutes.

7:35 – Order pizza with extra cheese and stem cells.

8:00 – Pay pizza man in food stamps.

8:30 – Watch Real Time with Bill Maher.

9:30 – Bedtime snack of nachos with three kind of cheese and peppers. No stem cells, watching weight.

10:00 – Miscellaneous dishonor of mother and father.

10:30 – Early bedtime, need rest for tomorrow's All-Day Sodomy Fest.

This was brought on because I stumbled upon a site I think you might find interesting...



Guin said...

Ha! Bizarro Ann Coulter!

Love it.

Anonymous said...

This is the first thing that I ever read in a blog that I found amusing

Baigneuse said...

And here I thought I was the only one whom ate the unborn. Mmmmmmmm, tastes like chicken....

Grace said...

LOL... sounds like you've got your Saturday all planned out!

jessie said...

Excellent! (I came by your blog by way of bearmtnpicnic.) This is getting forwarded to a bunch of my friends. Too funny.

I remember striking up an email friendship with a gay man who, with his partner, was trying to adopt a baby at the same time my husband and I were, only they were facing some discrimination. Once, he was telling me about his average day (work, cleaning the house, making dinner, feeding the animals). I suddenly realized, based on his daily activities, *I* had been "pursuing a homosexual lifestyle" for over a decade, even though I'm straight.

Anonymous said...

Where did you get this from?

I ask because I originally wrote it and it was titled "The Liberal Agenda," and I wanna see how it became titled "The Gay Agenda."

...I am gay though. =/


Anonymous said...

*giggles hysterically*

oh, the queer nation plans on nothing short of destruction, right?
i was thinking that while drowning my share of kittens for queer nation this morning.

your SP.