Monday, October 3, 2005

Gay Marriage

the reasons I'mm against gay marriage...I hope some of you feel the same way I do!

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

icon_cool.gif Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

You go, Empress Orchid!!!!!! Sing the truth, my SP!! I know politics aren't allowed on the Knittyboard, but since this is your blog, I'll say this: I can't wait for the day when gay and lesbian couples can legally marry in the USA. Our brothers and sisters in the human race deserve love and partnership in the eyes of the law no matter who or how they love. And, on a personal level, I want to see my lesbian aunt finally marry her true love.

I'm marching with you, Empress!

Your SP

choomon said...

tee hee
I love that!
Screw "marriage" (well, don't tell my husband I said that! ;) ), let's just make all "partnerships" legal.

Knottyboy said...

I just want the straight's tax breaks. Money always helps me to forget my troubles when I've in a foreign land with a tanned skinned man putting lotion on my back.
k

zibibbo said...

Excellent post. Did ya hear aaaaaaaaaaaallll of the above is happening rightnowthisveryminute in Spain. *insert rollyeyes* Quite frankly I was bummed my BIL dumped his Spanish BF, was already planning what to knit when time came to jet off for the wedding. Have a question but think I'll post it on the boards so I can both get feedback and annoy people at the same time now that I think of it.

Jane said...

I think I might be dieing. FROM LAUGHTER! That's an awesome article, and completely right on about gay marriage. As far as I'm concerned, more people who love each other and want to get married are the LEAST of our problems these days!

Joanna said...

"Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall."

Damn, that must be my problem! I need taller friends so I can get past 5'1"! ;)

Erica said...

Ha ha. Yeah, my parents were straight and that didn't help me any. It's more important that they treat the children right. As far as being properly cared for, well forget it, I didn't have either one!
I would much rather see two people of the same sex married and loving each other, than an abusive, hateful relationship. I wrote about "gay marriage" for my college paper last year.

mumblingmonkey said...

Well expressed.

Brittany said...

Sometimes I <3 living in Canada.

Tracey said...

Love is love no matter what form it takes. Great blog! I'm looking forward to seeing the finished scarf! Be counted, make your voice heard, vote. Yes, I said vote. It can and will make a difference when one voice is so loud that it drowns out all the retirement and insurance companies big bucks noise. Our rights on many levels are being eradicated by the minority right. SCREAM if you must but be heard! This from a 50 year old straight mom, who hopes her 7 year old son will have freedom of choice when he's 21.