Saturday, February 11, 2006

Pieces of Krys ( I mean April)

I just finished wathing Pieces of April and I didn't know realize how emotional into I got untill the end where I actaully teared up a bit. It really touched me because I been there. I know what its like trying to please your family after being bitched at/yell at/emotionally abused/left out/ put to the side...and in Aprils words "I'm the first pancake" meaning I'm the one you have to get read of before you have a happy family good breakfast.

I been living in my apartment for 1.5 years. I have held down a job paid my bills have a car and never asked my family for anything yet its been 18 months * and counting* since I moved in and they have yet been to see me. Normally I would understand this being I lived hours away but I live 20 min away and that is driving slowly.

I come to understand that I'm the black sheep in my family. I'm 21 and I'm happy. I might not be doing what they think I should be doing and it pisses them off. I know it pisses then off when I come in sporting a new color hair, tattoo, peircing, eyeliner. But this is me, I like expressing myself. I'm an Art Major...THAT'S what I do! In 9 days I turn 22 and I'm still looked at like I'm that 8 year old boy refusing to take his medicine.

I'm not a little punk. I might look like I get into trouble but I speak 2 languges and learning a third, I play flute, violin and piano, taught myself how to knit along with numerous other artistic mediums.

I really do love my family through all the shit they put me through. Even though I think know my love is returned half heartedly...

Hopefully I will find people i cna adopt as family...becasue they way I see it the one I have now needs brought in for repairs...


Stariel said...

Do you need a big sister?

Tallguy said...

Sometimes I feel we are born into the wrong family, and we need to find our true family... wherever they are. That said, communication is a two-way street. You need to love them too. Keep your part of the door open. Never let it be said that you closed it. Keep making the phone calls, letting them know about all the good things going on for you -- and the down times too. Send the birthday/anniversary/holiday cards. Do this because you want to, not because you expect anything in return. If they ignore them, that is on their heads. But you did your duty, you made the effort, and that is all that matters in the end.

But if you need a family, we are all here -- and we won't ignore you!

Anonymous said...

You are absolutely wonderful! jeesh how cheesey do I sound but I mean it.. At least you are out there living your life. Everyone has to face up to the fact that we can't always please the family but have to please ourselves first because in the end we have to be happy with who we are and not with who they want us to be.

My favorite quote "Love me and love but me forever because god made me and never made another"

Now as for family consider me a.. umm *thinking for a moment* aunt, sister, cousin, or just one of those annoying friends that never goes away and talks alot! lol

Anonymous said...

families are hard. they are really, really hard. ((hugs))

pieces of april made me cry as well. (and no, not just because i want to have babies with katie holmes and it makes me So sad that tom has corrupted her, it is so Wrong...)

i'll adopt you into my extended DIY friend/family; you will fit right in, and we will love you.

well... not that you know who i am, though.


your SP

Jon said...

I hear you and guess what, it doesn't get any easier. My family has never understood me but out of the three boys, I'm the most adjusted and have the best paying job, blah blah blah.

They may never accept you for who you are. You should show yourself to be the better man. And if you want a big brother, dude, I'm here.

Cheryl said...

Momma Cheryl's always here if you need me baby...